Dads of Stampede: Parenting and Remote Work

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  Hi Iwan and Tony! Thank you for taking the time to sit down for this interview which only both of you are qualified. We know that you guys have different routines to do your job well. Can both of you share your experience before and after being a father?

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  I’ve been working remotely even before my daughter was born. So back then I could focus myself solely on work. It was only after my first child was born did I have to change the way I work. So instead of working on a task for a long period, I have to portion it out into shorter work sprints.

  For example if my daughter starts to cry and if no one can attend to her, I’ll comfort her. Once she’s off to dreamland, I’ll take around 30 minutes to re-focus myself for the task at hand. This is a big difference before and after having a kid.

  Now with my kids around, I have rescheduled my hours to begin work at 8 AM and continue until 5 PM. In the past I’ve tried several different work hours, but so far this is the best arrangement for me.

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  Before Nauly (my daughter) came into my life, I was working at an office in Jakarta. My usual mornings involve me having breakfast made by my wife and getting to work by 8 AM. On the seventh month of my wife’s pregnancy, we decided to move back to Surabaya, her hometown. I made a request with my employer at the time to work remotely. From then on, I’d be working from my living room.

  After that, I joined Stampede and started working remotely full time. When I wake up early in the morning, the first thing I do is taking care of housework such as washing the dishes and preparing hot water. My wife takes over the rest when she wakes up. Once I log in at work, it’s hard to do anything else. So I do these things before I start work.

  At the start it wasn’t much trouble because Nauly slept around 20 hours a day on average and this went on for another 4 months. My wife is a homemaker, but there are times when she needs help with taking care of my daughter. At the home where I live and work, my wife’s siblings are around, but they are too young to properly care for Nauly. The times where I actually have to step out of the work cycle and do emergency parenting are the times when my wife is sick.

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  I understand that taking care of kids is really a full time job. So when you find the time to sit down and start work, what time is the most productive for you?

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  I adjusted my biological clock to work in the morning. Before this the best time  for me was at night, because there were no distractions, talking and ambient sounds from outside. When my baby came around, I had to change my time to look after her. After testing a few different time ranges, I found that early mornings gave me similar results. The temperature was still cool without the glaring sunlight and the noise was still quite minimal.

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  For me, the most productive times for working is when my daughter is asleep, or is being looked after by her mom. During this time, I can completely focus on my work since there are no distractions. In the mornings, I am already busy with household chores and baby stuff so my most productive moments tend to be only after that time.

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  What kind of task is suited to the situation where you are multitasking work and looking after the baby?

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  The time where I can really focus is when Cuna is not around. So in the morning I leave her to my wife so that I can focus on work. Once she goes to work, I will take care of the baby. So the multitasking part comes in when I’m looking after the baby. Meetings and discussions which aren’t as taxing when compared to coding and can be done while looking after the baby. One more thing I use to my advantage is my daughter. Whenever I’m feeling down or stuck on something, I’d just spend some time with her and somehow everything feels better.

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  Whenever I’m working, my daughter is usually not around me. When she is however, she’ll be pulling at me and making babble sounds. I can handle both work and my daughter’s antics for lighter work, but if it’s serious work, I need to focus on it alone. Instead of multitasking, if there is an emergency, I’ll put my work down for a bit and attend to it.

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  There is some common understanding that some men, when they become dads, they leave it solely to the wife. You guys are rare. How do you do it?

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  Working remotely helped me become this way. I feel that I experience what most fathers don’t because I’m around to see my kids beside me. It is definitely life changing for me.

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  When my wife is tired and I noticed that, I try to help out wherever I can. At times working remotely in your home can become a bit stressful, because there will be times when the baby will start crying during work hours. Also every now and then, my wife will have her ‘alone time’, for example going to the salon, and this is the time where I will take over. When my wife is not stressed out, then I can do work more effectively. As Shaza puts it, “A happy wife makes a happy life”.

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  What are the pros that both of you benefit from this setup, working and also parenting?

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  One of it is that I get to spend more time with the kids. Most importantly I do not have to get my baby looked after by a nanny as there have been issues recently and also can be pretty costly. Fortunately my wife is only working 4 hours a day and we take turns looking after the baby.

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  One of the pros is that I can help my wife to take care of Nauly. Before getting married, me and my wife agreed that she didn’t have to work and instead look after the household and the baby. So now we both take turns parenting. Taking care of children is not easy as it looks. You need much patience and a lot of willpower. I’ll try to lighten my wife’s tasks wherever I can.

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  How supportive has the company and Stampede team been to your setup?

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  Stampede is very supportive and they love kids, so this helps a lot. This flexibility makes me feel comfortable with Stampede, sure you can get flexibility elsewhere but not at Stampede’s level. My colleagues have no issues whenever I need to take a break and they love to see my kids. Indirectly they have made me what I am today, an awesome dad.

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  To me Stampede is very supportive. As long as I complete my work tasks, the team supports me. If I’m falling behind a bit, they’ll be concerned and ask me if anything is wrong. Other places may say that, if work is not finished it is because my baby is distracting me..

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  Is there any advice or something you guys want to share with other dads who might want to work remotely?

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  Plan your time for work before doing any parenting. Clear all the important tasks before the period because trust me, you won’t be able to focus much. For example, feed the baby and make her fall asleep before a meeting begins. Raising children is a handful but don’t see it as a negative. Find a way to take advantage of your situation like how I use Cuna as a stress reliever.

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  Manage your time well and be responsible for your work. You will want to work out a plan with the wife. This way you know when to focus on work and when to focus on the baby. Lots of commitment needed and most importantly be there for the family.

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  Are there any particular apps that you use for your setup?

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  My wife uses a baby feeding app to track Cuna’s feeding schedule. I myself use an in-built feature in my Samsung smartphone which can test someone’s stress level by putting the finger onto the phone. I use it to gauge the mood of my baby to check how she’s doing.

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  I use a baby log app called Baby Daybook. When the baby drinks I will log it down, and this also includes things like when she poops. This is so that I can review what she did for that day. This acts as an early indicator because if a baby doesn’t pass motion consistently, something might be wrong with her.

Thank you dads of Stampede (probably good for a band name). So how about a little verdict? When you’re working remotely and have to keep an eye on the kids, anything is possible with a little bit of time management and prioritization. At the same time, working out a schedule with your significant other gives you the time to focus on your work without neglecting your child.

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Are you also a remote-working parent like Tony and Iwan? If yes, how do you handle parenting and working at the same time? Share your own experiences here!